I don’t think God actually needs to search me, because he already knows my heart. Psalm 139 says He “created my inmost being” (verse 13), and “before a word is on my tongue, (He) knows it completely” (verse 4).  But He does want me to pray for Him to go with me on a search of my heart, so I can see what he sees.  God doesn’t force his will or his knowledge on us, but patiently waits for us to ask.  And this is one of the most powerful prayers I’ve prayed:

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.  See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting.  Psalm 139:23-24

As a young adult, I always thought of myself as such a good person!  So good, that I could never think of anything to say to God during the prayer of confession at church.  That should have been a red flag!  I just couldn’t see my own pride and self-righteousness.  My deepest desire was to be a good person, so I set out to walk the “straight and narrow”.  But I found myself on a dark path that led me further and further away from God.  Whenever I did something wrong or made a mistake, I tried to rationalize it and hide it from others and from God.  That’s what Adam and Eve did after they had eaten the forbidden fruit.  Isolating and hiding from God is just what Satan wants us to do, because it makes us more susceptible to temptation. 

In the 4^th Step of AA & Al Anon, we “made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves”, with the help of God and a sponsor.  I’m convinced that one of the most loving gifts I’ve ever received from God is being humbled.  Becoming aware of how my true nature can rob me of healthy loving relationships, gave me hope for a new life.  Without this gift, my marriage could not have been restored.

In this current moment in time, many of us can receive the gift of humbling, as we become aware of the role we’ve played in allowing racism to persist.  We can’t change the past, but we can pray for God to search us and know our hearts. To see if there is any offensive way in us, and to lead us in the way everlasting.  Only when I see myself accurately, do I have the chance to receive God’s forgiveness and to be changed.

The night before Jesus was crucified, He asked his disciples to pray in the Garden of Gethsemane.  I always thought he asked them to pray for Him, as He faced the biggest trial of his life.  But when I read carefully, I see it’s the disciples’ temptation he was concerned about.

“Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”  Matthew 26:41

• What has God shown you about your heart?
• Are you open to what else he might show you?
• Are you willing to accept his love and forgiveness?

PRAY:

Lord show me what you see in my heart. Show me my anxious thoughts.  Forgive me, protect me from temptation and lead me in the way everlasting!